A True Confession
Contrary to popular belief i have always pride myself on Honesty and Integrity. I take a Man`s word as Gospel (so-to-speak) until proven otherwise. I make misstates like you do, but admit did not get that Parent direction or guidance like the two Sisters (I cleaned up behind) and the two Brothers (I carried on my back) got, but it is often said there are blessings in disguise. I deem myself most fortunate to have escaped Bondage in one piece.
There are Kids being brutalize every day, suffering through neglect somewhere and sometimes Death at the hands of a Parent or Parents, Caretakers or whatever they choose to call themselves and too often too many People turn a blind eye. I should know, I have been there.
It seems like for the longest time now since i last updated this site and this being October 2009 makes it twenty months or so ago, plus my older sister got sick (a year or so ago) taking that into consideration as well, but would hope you understand my reluctance, since i wanted to give an explanation due to the many inquires as to why i might want to help or care about Youngsters.
I make clear that this is not the time or place for my life story (although i am sure a fascinating read it would make of the Lamb that got off the slaughter table and walked away), but i will give a few brief hi-lights directly related to a Youngster (yours truly) who was physically abused every Day and at times brutally so (Bruises and Bloody Clothing were often in evidence) by a Father who in his greatest wisdom or lack there-of thought i was different from the other Four Kids in the house and should be treated differently and he proceeded to do so, he reminded me of this every day ....My Mother often got a beating from him.
Here are some lines that were thrown at me by a Father (who could have been described as the Village Idiot) ....Your`re not like the others. You are good for nothing. you`re not worth anything, (naming just a few of the many lines used).
I took the hand i was dealt and went forward, yes i could have blame him or somebody, never saw the point in that though.
Note: There are two Sisters in front of me and two Brothers after me.
I had just about turned 13 Years old when things went progressively down hill for me, and although the older sister had got married and gone off, well so i thought and as you will find later (it was merely a mirage). It then seems like all hell broke loose and with yours truly already planted at the bottom were about to be crush.
First the old lady died suddenly (no disrespect to my mother and the terminology of old lady) for she was that missing link in my life back then and i certainly could have done with a few more years of her being around to help keep my head above water. What caused her demise is open to conjecture, i really don`t know myself so pinning her death on any particular thing would be guessing, but what i do know is, the old man beat her often and it`s him that formed the center piece of this situation.
Around the time of my Mother`s death a new born baby appeared in the house, and folks i was Probably too naive to know or think where it might have come from, but it was there and shortly after that i`m assigned full time Baby Sitter.
Prior to this situation i was designated the Cow hand, Sheep hand, Land cultivator, Planter, Harvester, Cook, Grocery Boy and any other chores that were to be done in or around the House, the baby sitting then took priority for a few years.
I had very little Schooling prior to the above mentioned situation, my calculation about two Days a week on average i thought, then shortly afterwards i saw the last of my School Days (I lagged far behind most kids back then and could barely read and or write). However i happened to be present at School one day after missing many Days, Mr. Slocumbe the Teacher addressed the Class by saying and i quote his very words : Your School Days will be your best Days. I Since had kids of my own and made sacrifices, faced the skeptics, took the many sarcastic remarks and indeed ridicule head on, in a situation where i saw it best in making sure the Kids good Health and School a priority.
I had reached my late teens and here is a big surprise for you folks ....I still wet myself at night, (but why you may ask) which in turn brought my first beating of that day and every day as mentioned before. I found out later (researched in the UK) the reason it went on was indeed fear. The very thought of it today (physical abuse) with the possible Dangers and Side Effects it carried still breaks me up (but with that knowledge i try my harest everyday to keep a low profile, within reason of course, because problems are never far away) ...but i digress.
Then one sunday morning i`m at the next door neighbor papering a kite for one of the kids when the neighbor asked me to fetch an article from the shop which was only about 200 yd's away, but as i returned and handed this thing over a call of my name rang out and to come here (Father Calling) tracking my every move and it`s his excuse for beating me. However, before i went to see what he wanted i grabbed the pair of scissors i had been using earlier and took it with me.
Surprise, Surprise i am met at the door and he is brandishing the piece leather that was about 1" wide, 1/2 " thick and 2 to 3 feet long (not a belt folks) that he kept just for me and he`s accompanied by my older Sister who had returned home again and it seemed that each time she ran back he found a way to vent his frustration out on me and he proceeded in giving me a lash across my back, but as he reached back to administer the next i had a few words of warning for him and i quote: You hit me again and i`ll kill you. He Froze there on the spot along with her, i was eighteen years old. I experienced no further nightly embarrassments after that day, hence the later discovery in my research.
When the sisters were about to travel (not necessarily together) He had a few choised words for them on separate occasions of course and i quote: Never help him (referring to me) with anything but help the other brothers instead ...they never offered and i never asked.
As far as the brothers are concern, they watched me slaved in the Land while they sat in the shade, if the Land was further away from the house, they were left behind to play with their friends or whatever, and yes the old man would see to it i got back in time to cook dinner.
What became of the Land? ...yes, you guess it ...Enjoy.
Before i left Barbados, i might have been called (in the night) to take someone to the General Hospital in Bridgetown from St. Lucy no less, and i might be there sometimes until 3am and then had to make it back to the City for 8am ...no problem, no charge ...foolish maybe.
I would Give Guys Driving lessons a couple hours on week ends ...no problem, no Charge ...foolish maybe.
This early summer (April / May in UK) 2009 i went around the corner to get a Chicken snack with the only change i had (£3 +) when a Lady in a Wheel Chair asked if i had any change, without hesitation i gave her a £1 and settled for a Hamburger instead ....no problem.
However, i do have a problem with selfishness and greed.
Just a few examples of myself. Now i give you an example of a sister.
I first arrived in uk back in 1974, preferring England over the USA or Canada, the reason i took uk option was because I thought with two sisters and a brother in the Country there would be somebody to converse with and a quick settle down, but how wrong i was, the brother managed to get a room for me, i thank him for that, but the strangest thing about the sister and baby (now in it`s late teens) lived around the corner, Folks the distance is less than fifteen minutes walk because i walked it (the distance) both ways and yes i lived there (in that room) for nearly one year and never saw or heard from her or (by then) a big baby. Guess i was not a very good baby sitter after all, or maybe the old man taught the rest of them everything he knew, but again I digress.
Some relatives call the house often, to date and despite spending a hour or more at times on the phone, none of them could find a minute to say hello ....say no more.
Ignorance is not a Crime, it`s just a Shame.
People are truly not always, what they appear to be.
There is so much more that could be said, but again i reiterate that this site is not the place for my life story.
However, since most Songs tell a story, i will leave you with a couple of quotes directly from two Singers and or Songwriters. First Gladys Knight ....just a few lines from her Song.
The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me
If anyone should ever write my life story
For whatever reason there might be
Ooo, you'll be there between each line of pain and glory
'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me
Ah, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
Secondly Bob Seger and a song that (I cherish a lot) for it could not be more fitting for me, as it gives me the strength for such an occasion and of course a sense of Pride. I give you the lyrics and the option of listening to the sound track.
Like a Rock
Stood there boldly
Sweatin in the sun
Felt like a million
Felt like number one
The height of summer
Id never felt that strong
Like a rock
I was eighteen
Didnt have a care
Working for peanuts
Not a dime to spare
But I was lean and
Solid everywhere
Like a rock
My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock
Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock
And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams
Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
Where theyve gone
And sometimes late at night
When Im bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall
Like a rock, standin arrow straight
Like a rock, chargin from the gate
Like a rock, carryin the weight
Like a rock
Like a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock
Note: I am not looking for sympathy from anybody, and besides, it`s a bit late in the Day to be seeking such, this is just an Explanation as mentioned before.
Rodney Dangerfield helps to lighten the moment, but he`s not necessarily your taste .....the clip runs for approximately 00:03:30